


Forgive

by mountain_ash



Series: So Many Lost Chances [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Confessions, Episode: s07e23 Survival of the Fittest, angsty fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-21
Updated: 2018-08-21
Packaged: 2019-06-30 20:21:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15758994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mountain_ash/pseuds/mountain_ash
Summary: Dean needs Cas to know he's forgiven.





	Forgive

**Author's Note:**

> Originally on [tumblr](http://a-mountain-ash.tumblr.com/post/177252760315/forgive) and based on the third gif in [this](http://inacatastrophicmind.tumblr.com/post/176700110323) gifset!

“I’m not good luck, Dean.” The angel says.

Dean thinks the angel is being a little absurd, but that’s nothing new for him these days. Everything about him is absurd. When Dean thinks about it, this is the most with-it he’s been since the tablet woke him from his coma and he still doesn’t understand where the angel is getting this idea of his. Since when was he bad luck?

“Yeah, but you know what? Bottom of the ninth, and you're the only guy left on the bench... Sorry, but I'd rather have you, cursed or not. And anyway, nut up, all right? We're all cursed. I seem like good luck to you?”

Castiel only stares at him and Dean grows uncomfortable under his scrutiny. When Cas looks at him like this he knows the angel is sorting through his pieces, searching for the ones that fit his puzzle of _Dean_. He usually finds the right ones, which only makes him more uneasy. The angel has a much better grasp on Dean than he has on the angel and he constantly feels adrift when they’re together. Life with Cas is an eternal struggle to hold his cards close lest he give his hand away before he’s ready to play. 

“What?” He asks finally, not wanting Cas to delve any deeper.

“Well, I don't want to make you uncomfortable, but I detect a note of forgiveness.”

 _You always make me uncomfortable, Cas._ He thinks to himself. _The kind of uncomfortable I never want to let go of_.

He doesn’t say that though.

“Yeah well, I’m probably going to die tomorrow, so…” Dean knows it’s much bigger than that, though. He’s not just forgiving Cas because he might die. This isn’t deathbed forgiveness to sooth their consciences. Every day he struggled through without Cas, he forgave him. Every time he moved the carefully folded coat from one car to another, he forgave him. Every prayer he tearfully remembered went unheard, he forgave him.

He shoves his fists into his pockets and tugs right at his coat, grounding himself in the course fabric that pulls at his shoulders. His eyes are firmly fixed on the space at the hollow of Cas’s throat, right above the ‘V’ of his dumb hospital scrubs. The angel swallows thickly as he senses Dean is about to reveal more of his hand. “Damn it, Cas. I forgave you the second your coat floated out of that lake and you didn’t. Life without you is too hard for me.”

“Dean.” Surprise fills Cas’s soft blue eyes, and for a moment Dean’s grateful he’s managed to get ahead of him for once, before he worries he’s now far past him. If they die tomorrow, does it matter that Cas knows how he feels and doesn’t feel the same? The angel’s face grows wary again and Dean holds out a hand placatingly as if to sooth a skittish creature. “You’re just saying that because you need me.”

Cold pressure clutches at his chest at the distrust in Cas’s voice, as though he’s a wounded animal that’s been lured into a trap. He knows why Cas thinks that. He hates that he’s made Cas think that.

“I do need you for this, Cas. It’s true. But I need you everyday. I need you when the world is falling apart _and_ when nothing is goin’ on. I don’t just need you _now_ , Cas. It’s always.”

Cas steps towards him, and now they’re mere inches apart, but Dean doesn’t move. He lets Cas assess him with those fierce, evaluating eyes. The blue burns bright, even in the dim light, and Dean makes sure his own eyes don’t waver. He must see what he needs, because he reaches forth and grabs one of Dean’s hands in his own. The touch sends chills up his arm and he squeezes Cas’s fingers in his own, if only to prove to himself they’re real.

“I’ll go with you.”

**Author's Note:**

> A wee bit less angsty than the last ones! I hope you enjoyed :) 
> 
> Comments always appreciated and come visit me on [tumblr](http://a-mountain-ash.tumblr.com/)!


End file.
